Winding Road

                                                       

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and understanding.  Today is a good day so far; yesterday wasn't.  That is the part I don't get; why the path is so winding. I never know how I am going to feel from one day to the next.  But I am very thankful for the good days.  It's hard to believe it is the end of August.  I honestly don't know where the summer went and I am sure many of you feel the same way.  
One thing I did do this summer was go see my dad up north.  I was so happy to be able to go.  We spent two days and one night in Petoskey.  We had lunch with our good friends Bill and Betty who have a condo near my dad.  We saw my dad twice and he enjoyed our visit so much. It was so hard to say goodbye to him; he got tears in his eyes and hugged me for so long.  It is hard when your dad becomes child-like and you become parent-like.  I am so glad he knows who we are and he loves to talk about past memories.  
I am hoping to see him again this fall; I must get better!!!  There is so much I want to do.  I am thanking God for another good day.  Yesterday is in the past. 

A Good Day

                                                         

is one in which I don't cry
is sunny and bright
is spending time running errands with Donaldo
is looking forward to something
is doing something creative
is a day when my self-talk is good
is going for a walk
is a good night's sleep the night before
is a good book to read.......
So far, so good!

It's Darkest Before Dawn

What a struggle this summer has been with depression.  One doesn't like to write about it; it isn't a very uplifting blog.  I never have understood depression feels, but now I do and it isn't fun.  I struggle against it, I do everything to prevent it, but I can't seem to shake it.  Is it a matter of faith?  To some degree yes, but I now believe God has me on this path for some reason only He knows.  It has isolated me more than I like to be isolated, It has made me lose sleep and sleep too much.  It has made me cry buckets of salty tears.  I thank God for a patient husband and a wonderful Christian counselor.  
We have tried quite a few medications and as soon as the serotonin drugs get to therapeutic levels they bring back the pain in my belly.  Did you know most serotonin is made in the intestines?   It is an interesting fact I learned along this path of pain.  Depression makes you feel like your heart is going to burst.  It is actually painful and in my worst moments, I despair of it, yet in my better moments God speaks to me through it.  
It is hard to be creative and blog or do scrapbooking or anything else that I love to do.  Thank goodness for reading.
And speaking of reading, I'll end on a high note.  Thanks to Karen who discovered a wonderful series of Christian books by Jill Eileen Smith on the wives of David.  There are three-Michal, Abigail and Bathsheba.  They are wonderfully written and bring you right back into I and II Samuel.  She started a new series also-Wives of the Patriarchs.  I highly recommend them!